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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26605273">Bittersweet</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/achillesep/pseuds/achillesep'>achillesep</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Percy Jackson and the Olympians &amp; Related Fandoms - All Media Types, Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rick Riordan, The Heroes of Olympus - Rick Riordan</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst with a Happy Ending, Depression, Family Issues, M/M, Sad Leo Valdez, Sad Nico di Angelo, Self-Esteem Issues, descriptions of blood in first chapter</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 09:35:04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>12,012</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26605273</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/achillesep/pseuds/achillesep</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Nico staggers into the bathroom, blood dripping down his arm.<br/>He looks into the bathroom mirror and it’s worse than he thought. It’s about an inch wide and spans the length of his temple to his hairline, curving around his eyebrow. He quickly takes a napkin and presses it to the gaping wound, hoping that’ll be enough.<br/>Suddenly, Leo’s behind him.<br/>----<br/>It's been fifteen years since the accident, and now Nico's being invited to Jason and Piper's engagement party. He's been spending the last few years pushing everyone away and acting as if he's too busy for it all, even though the only thing he has is the video rental store he owns. his dreams have slipped through his fingers, and now he's just letting himself rot. but he meets jason's best friend at the party, and things seem to be looking up—and maybe, just maybe, things will get better for him if he allows it.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Annabeth Chase &amp; Nico di Angelo, Annabeth Chase/Percy Jackson, Jason Grace &amp; Leo Valdez, Jason Grace/Piper McLean, Nico di Angelo &amp; Hazel Levesque, Nico di Angelo &amp; Reyna Avila Ramírez-Arellano, Nico di Angelo/Leo Valdez</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>92</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>whoever started the hc of nico owning a movie rental store or working at one I am in love w u and also lmk so I can give credit! !<br/>if u haven't watched fleabag, then this is loosely inspired by it and although the first episode is kinda whack i highly recommend it as well :)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Nico doesn’t know why he’s going to their engagement party. It’s been months since he's talked to Jason, and Piper...well he hasn’t really talked to Piper. Ever. </p><p>It’s weird to think about. Back in high school, they were all so close—inseparable, even. Jason was Nico’s roommate, Reyna was Nico’s best friend, and after school they’d sit on the bleachers with Hazel and Frank and talk about anything, everything. </p><p>Nico misses it. </p><p>Everyone seems to have grown up except for him. Or maybe he has. When he looks in the mirror, his face is a little longer. His eyes are more sunken and his hands shake more often. There are wrinkles on his neck and even though he’s only twenty-five, he has some grey hairs that he despises. Hazel says they make him look like their father.</p><p>Nico dyes them whenever he gets the chance. </p><p>He pushes the memory of his family out of his mind. He’s supposed to be happy right now. He’s supposed to be getting ready for his once-best-friend’s engagement party that he was really only invited to because Reyna was worried about him. </p><p>Things aren’t going great right now. </p><p>It’s true Nico hasn’t left the house often and hardly talks to anyone by choice, but he’s okay.</p><p>Really.</p><p>Nico adjusts his tie, moving some stray black strands out of his face. He takes a deep breath, then he’s gripping the bathroom counter to stop his hands from shaking. </p><p>The suit he’s wearing is from senior prom, and it’s a bit short and tight in the shoulder area but it fits. When he looks in the mirror it’s like looking into the past, back to his high school self who was constantly searching for something that wasn’t there. His eyes are different—more dead, he realizes. It’s been a while since Nico’s been happy. He takes off the jacket, mostly because he looks too much like his father with it on. </p><p>Nico slips on some sneakers, grabs his wallet, and heads out the door, switching off the lights as he exits. </p><hr/><p>Reyna’s waiting for him in the parking lot. He didn’t tell her to, but she must have felt bad for forgetting about The Day. She’s looking as radiant as ever, scarlet lipstick complimenting her deep brown skin and purple blouse tugging at her muscular arms. Nico suddenly feels subconscious—he’s wearing dress slacks and a tie, and she’s wearing a blouse and a tank top. He opens the door and Reyna reads his mind. </p><p>“Don’t worry about the dress code—I just had to come straight from babysitting Phoebe.” She turns off the overhead light and turns the keys in the ignition. “You think we’ll get looks if I don’t change?” </p><p>He shakes his head, running a hand through his hair. “Nah. You look good.” </p><p>“Thanks,” she smiles. </p><p>It’s quiet, eerily so. It puts Nico on edge, mostly because Reyna always finds something mundane to talk about and when she doesn’t that means she’s thinking of how to say something. How to word her concerns without offending him. This is becoming a pattern. </p><p>“Nico…” she starts. </p><p>There it is.</p><p>He braces himself for it, but she just sighs loudly.</p><p>“You know what, it’s nothing.” She pauses. </p><p>A flaw in the pattern. Either this means it really wasn’t anything important, or she’s just waiting until after the dinner to do her usual, ‘<em> We’re worried about you </em>,’ shtick. </p><p>“When was the last time you saw Phoebe?” </p><p>Nico forgets to answer the question.</p><p>“Nico?” she asks, taking her eyes off the road.</p><p>Phoebe is Hylla’s two-year-old daughter who is a pain in the ass. She’s always throwing things, pushing Nico around, or crying but Nico can’t help but love her. She reminds him of Bianca. They have the same eyes, he realizes: dark and sweet and always slightly smiling.</p><p>“It’s been a while.” Half a year, actually. Which also means he’s seen Phoebe more recently than Jason. </p><p>If Nico had to rank his friends, Phoebe would probably be third under Hazel and Reyna. Reyna’s first because she’s always checking in on him and nagging him, which he’s grateful for no matter how annoying it is. Plus, they watch movies and go bowling sometimes which has always been fun. Hazel’s second because Nico thought it would be lame to put his sister as his best friend. And Hazel has just...always gotten it. Their family, he means.</p><p>And it’s funny to watch her react to bad movies. </p><p>“You should come with me next time.” Reyna smiles weakly. “I think she misses you.” </p><p>Nico hopes so.</p><p>“Yeah. Yeah, okay.” </p><p>The rest of the car ride is silent. </p><hr/><p>The restaurant is French, the high end and overly fancy kind you see in the movies sometimes; with white tablecloths and mineral water, bundles of flowers at the center of the table, and cloth napkins folded like crowns. It’s the kind people like Nico’s dad would eat at, people who have a lot of money and no idea what to do with it. Nico guesses that’s Jason now. He’s the VP of some construction company that Nico’s pretty sure focuses on sustainability, whatever that means. </p><p>Nico can’t remember what Piper does and hopes it doesn’t come up. </p><p>It feels like he’s about to take a pop quiz based on a subject he learned years ago but is just out of reach of his memory.</p><hr/><p>He and Reyna are fifteen minutes late, and when they arrive at the table Annabeth gives him an awkward hug and a “good to see you” which only makes the atmosphere tenser. </p><p>Nico hasn’t talked to Annabeth since middle school. Well, he’s talked to her, but not actually had a conversation with her; mostly because he hated her guts, but that was childish and Nico’s determined not to be a child tonight. He’s twenty-five. He can do an engagement party, just like he’s done before. </p><p>He steals the seat between her and Reyna, praying the dinner will be over fast. </p><p>Nico recognizes almost everyone at the table except for the kid to the right of Jason. He’s smiling and it looks mischievous almost, his dark brown curls falling in his face. His hands are fidgeting and Nico can see calluses on his palms and fingers. He’s wearing a brown work shirt with the top buttons open, showing a gold cross necklace. It looks good on him.</p><p>Nico realizes that this must be Leo, the mechanic Jason used to hang out with. Or still hangs out with, if he’s here. </p><p>Nico can’t remember anything about him.</p><p>Leo flashes him a bright smile from across the table, and Nico awkwardly smiles back. It fills him with a warm feeling that he can’t place.</p><p>Reyna nudges him and smiles at the exchange.</p><hr/><p>Percy’s talking excitedly to Jason about some skateboarding story, while Piper laughs and Reyna chats with Frank. Thalia’s there too, introducing herself to Hazel. </p><p>All the while Nico is unfolding and refolding his napkin-crown. </p><p>“So how have you been, Nico?” Annabeth asks. She’s holding her wine glass loosely, and it's the most relaxed Nico thinks he’s ever seen her. </p><p>“Alright. And you?” </p><p>She studies him, then smiles. “I’ve been good. You know, I don’t think you and I have actually talked in a while.” </p><p>Years. It’s been years.</p><p>“Yeah. We haven’t.”<br/>She hums. “That’s a new face—Leo, I mean. What do you think of him?” </p><p>“He seems nice,” Nico says politely. At first look, Nico thought Leo was pretty scrawny. But his shoulders are broad, nearly as much as Jason’s. He laughs loudly and it’s warm. </p><p>“From what I remember he’s a prankster.” She says</p><p>“So, right up my alley?” Nico only says this because he knows that one of the details Annabeth remembers of him is that he used to hang out with the Stolls. Even though that was way back in middle school and Nico hasn’t talked to them since. </p><p>He saw Connor at a Grocery Outlet about a year ago. He didn’t say anything to him. </p><p>“Yeah. Remember when you were friends with the Stolls?” Annabeth asks. </p><p>Nico nods, placing his napkin back on the table. “Of course. They were fun.” </p><p>Annabeth looks at him, grey eyes piercing his. She can tell he’s only being polite.</p><p>“Percy misses you.” She says, smiling weakly. “And after all these years, he still feels bad. About not trying harder.” </p><p>Uh oh. </p><p>“He shouldn’t,” Nico replies and he doesn’t mean for it to be sharp. It’s been fifteen years. Fifteen fucking years, he should be over this. </p><p>Nico doesn’t think he’ll ever be over what happened, and now he’s placing his hands in his pockets to hide how they shake. </p><p>“I feel the same way sometimes,” Annabeth continues. “You should come by more often. Percy can make a mean burger.” </p><p>Nico tries to picture Percy in a ‘kiss the cook’ apron, flipping burgers on a grill as two kids run around, while Jason and Piper talk with Annabeth on a picnic table. It’s funny at first then sad. Nico won’t get that life. He’s pushed away too many people.</p><p>“I will. Just let me know when you’re free.” </p><p>Annabeth frowns slightly but hides it fast. She knows exactly what Nico’s doing, shutting down and putting on a sweet facade. </p><p>Nico was raised to be polite because of his father’s influence, and Annabeth knows that and Annabeth doesn’t forget hardly anything.</p><p>She lets it go.</p><p>“Alright. I’ll text you some time,” she smiles. </p><p>Nico nearly sighs in relief. He refocuses his attention on Reyna’s conversation with Thalia, hoping he’ll be ignored for the rest of the night.</p><hr/><p>The food comes around fifteen minutes later.</p><p>He’s not entirely sure what he ordered, mostly because there weren’t any descriptions in the menu and all the names were in French. It looks mildly like beef in marinara sauce, which is what he expects when he eats it but it’s not. It’s mediocre.</p><p>While he’s eating, the conversation continues without him until Jason taps his fork against his wine glass. It creates a soft ding that resonates through the restaurant. </p><p>He stands, now smiling. “I just wanted to thank you guys for making it here today. I… I know I haven’t talked to some of you guys in a while, but it makes me happy to see everyone here today, celebrating Piper and I’s new, well, development.” </p><p>Piper slides her hand into his and looks at him like he’s the only thing that matters. </p><p>“So, yeah. Thank you guys, I really appreciate it. Love you all.” </p><p>Jason sits back down as Leo wolf whistles and everyone claps.</p><p>It’s weird, Nico realizes. Everyone’s getting married. </p><p>Percy and Annabeth have been for two years, Hazel and Frank for one, and now it’s Jason’s turn. All while Nico has nobody. He had Will back in college, and the occasional guy he’d hook up with, but that was it. </p><p>Sometimes Nico felt like he didn’t know how to be anything other than alone. </p><p>Annabeth pokes him. Apparently he’s been staring off into space, and now Jason’s looking at him funny. </p><p>She opens her mouth to say something but before she can finish, Reyna says, “Nico and I will be right back.” </p><p><em> Fuck</em>. Nico knew she was waiting to say something. </p><p>
  <em> Fuck! </em>
</p><p>They both get up, Nico’s chair making an awkwardly loud screech as he stands. He pushes it in and smiles weakly. Reyna walks cooly to the exit of the restaurant. The door out is heavy and metallic, not at all matching the aesthetic of the restaurant. </p><p>Reyna pushes it open easily.</p><p>There’s a chill outside, some winter air that refuses to budge from the temperate March weather. A breeze kicks up some newspapers that were beneath Nico’s feet. </p><p>Reyna stands on the curb, looking up to the glossy moon. </p><p>She turns to Nico. “What’s been going on with you?” </p><p>He knew this was coming. </p><p>“Nothing.” </p><p>His fingernails are digging into his palms and it hurts but it’s distracting. Reyna furrows her brows and frowns at him.</p><p>“Nico…” she starts. “It’s been two weeks. You haven’t answered any of my calls—”</p><p>Right. Nico forgot he blocked her. But that’s only because of that night.</p><p>“—and I just don’t get it. I know I’m not your mother and I don’t want to nag you, but what happened? What’s <em> been </em> happening?” </p><p>Nico’s never seen Reyna plead before. </p><p>It’s been around two weeks since he forgot about their plans. Same as usual, grab chinese from the strip mall across the street, stop at the seven eleven for slurpees, then watch the midnight reruns of the Leprechaun series, which are quite possibly the worst movies ever made. </p><p>That day Nico thought he saw his mom and Bianca standing across the street from him. The girl had the same green floppy cap and dark brown hair his sister had, and the woman holding her hand wore a brown jacket similar to the one that his mother once wore. He could practically hear their voices, Nico's mother’s honeyed and smooth and Bianca’s calm yet high one. </p><p>Nico’s throat constricted at the sight of them. Without thinking, he began to walk towards the two from his edge of the sidewalk.</p><p>He didn’t notice that cars were coming on his side of the road.</p><p>“Nico? Where are you right now?” Reyna asks, and Nico snaps out of it. </p><p>“I—It’s complicated,” he says lamely. </p><p>It really isn’t. Nico nearly died, the doppelgangers disappeared, and he had to walk back to the shop with glassy eyes and shaking hands. </p><p>Afterwards, he drove to the old Di Angelo home in Pacific Palisades, just north of Santa Monica. </p><p>It was empty. Nico’s father had refused to sell it, opting instead to rent it to the occasional vacationer.</p><p>Nothing had changed about it.</p><p>Him and Bianca’s initials were still carved into the large oak tree in the front yard. Their handprints from nearly twenty years ago were still visible in the cement in front of the garage. </p><p>His childhood wasn’t necessarily warm, especially after the accident, but looking at the home now Nico could nearly see into the past: the chalk drawings on the sidewalk, the nosy neighbors with their large dogs that were always raising eyebrows, and the spot in the pavement where Nico nearly broke his arm skateboarding.</p><p>It was too much.</p><p>It was too much.</p><p>Nico sobbed in his car until his wells of tears dried out, wondering what life would've been like if they were alive. Better, he thinks. </p><p>He wouldn’t be like this, and maybe he and Hades would even be on better terms.</p><p>Sometimes, Nico wishes that he didn’t survive the crash. It’s this odd guilt, this feeling that he’s running on empty and that his red string of fate was meant to have been cut long ago. </p><p>Maybe he could’ve done something to save them.</p><p>Either way, he didn’t. </p><p>By the time he got back to his apartment it was around two am. He had forgotten about Reyna, who was asleep on the couch until he came in.</p><p>Now, Reyna’s looking at him filled with eyes full of pity. </p><p>It makes him feel like his own skin doesn’t quite fit right.</p><p>“Nico, you know you can talk to me and I just—I don’t get why you don’t think you can,” Reyna says, and Nico’s frustrated because she won’t get it.</p><p>He should be over it. </p><p>It’s been fifteen years. </p><p>Why isn’t he over it?</p><p>“I don’t get why you care,” he snaps. “You’re right. You’re not my mom, and it—it’s not your business.” </p><p>Reyna scoffs. She’s tired, and so is he. “You know, I didn’t care the first time. You do realize that?”</p><p>He does. </p><p>“But you—you kept disappearing and <em>christ</em>, Nico you came home at two in the morning crying and you just—just yelled at me to leave. And then—”</p><p>“Stop,” Nico says and his voice breaks. He doesn’t mean for it to.</p><p>“Nico, I just want to help you.” Reyna’s changed her tone. It’s softer now, and somehow that’s worse. </p><p>“Just stay out of it, okay,” and he sounds angry, but he doesn’t mean to. He doesn’t really mean anything he’s saying, it just scares him to be open, mostly because he doesn’t know how to. </p><p>He storms towards the door, leaving Reyna to sigh in defeat. </p><p>“It’ll get better, Nico,” she says.</p><p>He stops just short of the door, and his shoulders slump.</p><p>“Shut up,” he says and there’s no trace of malice in it. Just grief. </p><p>He turns and then the door is shoved into him, and that pain is all he can focus on for a moment.</p><p>It’s distracting.</p><p>It’s an escape. </p><p>“Fuck!” he exclaims, putting a hand to his bleeding forehead. The sight of his own blood makes him dizzy. </p><p>It’s coating his fingers and dripping onto his shirt, and as he tries to wipe it away it makes it worse. </p><p>A middle-aged woman is apologizing to him and he’s ensuring her it’s fine, even though he feels dizzy and the cut is bleeding too much. When he touches it it’s deeper than it should be, and that worries him. </p><p>Reyna opens the door for him.</p><p>“Oh god, I’m so sorry,” the woman says. “Is there anything I can do?”</p><p>“No, I’ll be alright. Have a good night,” Nico says. </p><p>The woman leaves hesitantly as Nico stumbles into the restaurant, Reyna behind him. The cut is numb, and that scares Nico more. </p><p>“Nico you should clean that up,” Reyna says. It’s hesitant, and Nico hates that he’s made her feel that way.</p><p>“I will, just—just go back to the table. I’ll join you later.”</p><p>He uses his hand to stop the bleeding. </p><p>Everything feels lighter than it should, except for his head. His head feels heavy like a couple of pounds have been added to his necklace of rope. </p><p>“Alright,” Reyna says, squeezing his shoulder.</p><p>Nico heads to the bathroom, hoping the wound isn’t as deep as it seems.</p><p>It’s worse.</p><hr/><p>Here’s the thing about Nico: he <em> thinks </em>he’d rather live out the rest of his life alone than burden others with his problems. He thinks that even the act of being offered pity is proof he’s been ruined. In reality, that’s not it at all. The wounds we have are harsh and they shape us, not necessarily into better people but into different people. Pain changes us. The bullets that have dug into our skin are the root of our pain but you can’t just remove them. Even if you dig them out and hold them up to the light, that doesn’t change the fact that you still have a hole in your skin. That doesn’t change the fact that you’re bleeding out. </p><p>But identifying the problem is how you know how to fix it, how to heal, and even if we end up with different skin and stitches and a metal brace to support us that doesn’t change that it happened. </p><p>A trace of our trauma will always reside inside of our heads. </p><p>We will never be the same.</p><p>Let’s go back to Nico: </p><p>He thinks he’s looking right at the bullet, which means he’s solved it which he thinks should be enough to heal it. But he’s still bleeding out. Maybe he’s inconsolable. </p><p>We’re all inconsolable.</p><p>Nico staggers into the bathroom, blood dripping down his arm. </p><p>He looks into the bathroom mirror and it’s worse than he thought. It’s about an inch wide and spans the length of his temple to his hairline, curving around his eyebrow. He quickly takes a napkin and presses it to the gaping wound, hoping that’ll be enough. </p><p>Suddenly, Leo’s behind him.</p><p>“Uh hey, man are you alright?” he asks and Nico feels weirdly vulnerable in the moment. Leo’s voice is low but swings melodically and his accent sounds slightly texan, but Nico’s not sure. </p><p>“Yeah,” Nico says, patting the paper towel to his forehead. All the blood is soaking through. “It’s just a scrape, I’ll be fine.” </p><p>“Oh! Wait, I have some bandaids from work, one sec.” Leo rummages through the pockets of his black cargo pants, finding a large bandaid in a spare side pocket.</p><p>“Here,” he says, handing it to Nico. Nico keeps one hand pressed to his head.</p><p>“Thanks,” he smiles awkwardly. Nico removes the towel and places the band-aid on the side of his head. It doesn’t curve quite right, but the part it misses is shallow. He hopes it’ll be enough.</p><p>“So you got this from your work? What do you do?” Nico asks, washing his hands in the sink. It splashes red along the sides and onto the counter. Nico scrubs at it, trying to keep the area clean. </p><p>“I’m a mechanic. Nico, right? Jason’s told me about you,” Leo says excitedly. </p><p>“Yeah. All good things, I hope?” Nico says politely. Leo snorts.</p><p>“Well, yeah. You know Jason, Mr. Perfect. It was all good things, dude.” </p><p>Nico smiles at that, but the dull pain in his head is distracting. </p><p>“So uh. I don’t know any of Jason’s friends,” Leo says, and Nico’s wiping his hands and the counter for leftover blood. He looks like a mess. Red is smeared all over his white shirt and his hair is messy beyond relief. </p><p>“Really?” Nico says. He leans against the wall, trying to seem calm despite the throbbing in his head. </p><p>Leo chuckles nervously. “Yeah. And, I dunno I guess I kinda want to know people at the wedding, you know?” </p><p>Leo talks fast.</p><p>“I understand, I kind of feel the same,” Nico says.</p><p>Leo frowns. </p><p>“Really? I thought you went to school with, like, everyone?”<br/><em> Fuck </em>. </p><p>“Yeah, I just—I don’t know, haven’t been keeping up with people I guess.” Nico bites his tongue to focus. He feels <em>really </em>lightheaded. </p><p>Leo just nods. “Oh, I get that. Anyways, well—“ Leo stares at Nico like he’s an alien. “—I was wondering if you wanted to hang sometime? Like just so we have, well each other at the, well—yeah.”</p><p>Nico wasn’t expecting this. </p><p>He’s gotten pretty used to his schedule of Reyna every Friday, Hazel on Sundays, and movies the rest of the week. </p><p>But Leo does have a point. And it could make Reyna happy if he made a friend, as stupid as that sounds. </p><p>Nico’s been pushing everyone else away for years.</p><p>“Nico? I mean it’s fine if—“</p><p>“Yeah. Let’s do it,” Nico says. Leo smiles and Nico feels as if he’s looking at an angel. A mildly elvish angel, but one nonetheless. Leo’s smile is wide and toothy and mischievous but it’s so <em>bright</em>.</p><p>“Alright, dude.” Leo pulls out his phone. “Here. Put in your contact and I’ll text you later.”</p><p>It’s a cracked Samsung, around two to three years old. There’s some sand stuck in the glass, which scrapes Nico’s fingers when he types. He doesn’t say anything about it.</p><p>“Pretty new phone, right?” Leo grins.</p><p>Nico snorts. “Yeah, definitely.”</p><p>He hands Leo back his phone just as someone enters the bathroom. </p><p>“We should probably—“</p><p>“Yeah,” Leo says. </p><p>The walk back is awkward, but nice. </p><p>Nico doesn’t think he could’ve stood being alone for much longer and Leo… Leo seems like a blank slate. Someone he can start over with.</p><p>But his head throbs as a reminder of his failures, with Reyna, with Jason, his father.</p><p>Nico thinks that if he has to get better, he has to do it alone. He’s the only one that can see the bullet. He’s the only one that can see the blood. </p><p>Sure, he's right in a way, but it's always nice to have someone pass you your bandages, disinfectant, look at you like you're their entire world.</p><p>He sits back down at the dinner table, putting on a smile. </p><p>Now, Nico's always been good at destroying pretty things but this—this could be a new start.</p><p>This could be a new start.</p><p>Even if it doesn't turn out the way he wants it to.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>In which Percy bandages Nico up and Nico realizes how many people he's hurt by disappearing.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He’s sitting next to Percy now, Annabeth having left while Nico was in the bathroom. Something about work. Everyone is too caught up in their own conversations to notice Nico coming back.</p><p>He picks at his food as Percy slides into the chair next to him. </p><p>“Hey, Neeks,” he says and his voice is gravelly and smooth and rough at once. </p><p>“You haven’t called me that in forever.”</p><p>The last time Percy called him Neeks must have been in high school, before he transferred. The only other person who’s called him that was Bianca.</p><p>Hazel doesn’t, mostly because she knows it’s a touchy subject and Hazel prefers to tiptoe around touchy subjects. She likes to give Nico his space when he needs it, which Nico appreciates. </p><p>Hazel doesn’t question it when Nico starts crying on her shoulder. </p><p>“Yeah, but hey—might as well start again now right?” Percy grins crookedly. “What happened to your head?” </p><p>Nico’s clenching his hand around his fork so tight he’s bending it. </p><p>“It’s nothing.” He grits. “I’m fine.”</p><p>“How long ago did you put on that bandaid?” </p><p>Nico can’t really feel the pain of the cut anymore. The area is numb, and it feels more like a dull migraine than a deep slash at his temple. </p><p>“A couple minutes.” </p><p>Percy reaches over to look at it and Nico recoils, hurt flashing through Percy’s eyes. </p><p>“It’s bleeding through, Nico. Listen—I’m a firefighter, I’ve seen some injuries,” Percy says, and he looks like he doesn’t know where to put his hands. “This could be dangerous.” </p><p>“What are you suggesting?”  </p><p>“We should properly get you healed up, come on,” Percy says, suddenly standing. Nico clenches the white towel in front of him as a distraction.</p><p>“I don’t want to—”</p><hr/><p>Nico reluctantly gets in the car. </p><p>They end up going to Percy and Annabeth’s. After a close examination of the wound in the restaurant parking lot, Percy decided it’d be fine as long as it was disinfected and bandaged properly with something that actually covered half of the wound.</p><p>Nico sits in the passenger seat with a paper towel pressed to his forehead feeling like a rag doll. Something that Percy’s just dragging around, limp and unmoving. Something that’s not really alive. </p><p>If Nico was being honest, he likes it. Likes knowing that someone cares enough to drag him around rather than let him sit and rot, but he’d never admit it, especially not to Percy. Nico’s low on people at the moment, and although Percy is barely a friend he’s barely a stranger either and he can’t afford to lose him. </p><p>It’s not like it would make much difference. Nico doesn’t pick up any of his calls anyways, and doesn’t make any effort to talk to him. Nico can’t think of the last time they really had a conversation. </p><p>But knowing it’ll stop being possible, that one day everything will be broken beyond repair—that’s what Nico’s poorly avoiding, no matter how much he'll destroy himself and every relationship he has. He'll push everyone away then regret it, kill himself slowly then regret it, make himself unsteady until he can't take it. </p><p>He's always been a little self-destructive.</p><p>But now, now light is leaking out from every crack in his skin and it’s scary, it’s overwhelming. </p><p>Every emotion is too much and not enough all at once. </p><p>We’re insatiable. </p><p>When Nico left, Leo looked worried and offered to take Nico instead. Leo laughed nervously, which is becoming a pattern, as Percy shook his head and Reyna pointedly looked at her food instead of in Nico’s eyes. Jason and Thalia wore matching frowns as Piper gripped Jason’s hand a little tighter at the sight of blood smeared across Nico’s shirt. </p><p>Hazel was Hazel. Mouthing something unintelligible while darting her eyes back and forth between him and Reyna, then saying, “Call me.” </p><p>Nico loves her for it. </p><p>He's pretty sure Percy's noticed that something's wrong, something's different. That he's changed. </p><p>“Where’ve you been dude?” Percy asks, tapping his fingers against the steering wheel. The air is thick and uncomfortable. Nico wants to curl up against the window and just lie there for a few hours until this feeling, this utterly disgusting feeling passes like a storm cloud. Even though that’s not how this works, and one particular storm cloud has hung over Nico’s head for years like a death threat, like a knife. </p><p>Percy's different too. He talks slowly, but his words blend together not in a way that's unintelligible, but it's nice. It's like a melody, a slow waltz with his slight inflections. Percy used to be brash, but now he seems tired. Nico's not used to it. </p><p>“The shop mostly.” </p><p>“Whatever happened to that history degree? Ever think of switching back to, ah—what was it called again?” </p><p>Nico wanted to be a museum curator from ages eleven to twenty-three. The thought of looking at ghosts, the last things left of those who walked the Earth before us seemed appealing. Nico thought it would be like piecing together fossils to create a painting, a butterfly made of patterns that he could analyze and use. Looking backward in order to look forwards with perfect vision. </p><p>It sounds selfish when you look at it that way, but it’s more complicated than that.</p><p>We look for answers in odd places. </p><p>“Curator.”<br/>Percy smiles slightly at that. “Yeah, that—ever thought of giving it another go?” </p><p>Nico doesn’t know what the right answer is. </p><p>“Maybe.” </p><p>He’s lying. He doesn’t want to, mostly because he’s scared. If you asked him about it he’d say that he’d rather stick with the devil he knows, the dull movie store instead of actually reaching out for the things he wants. Nico’s never been particularly good at knowing what he wants. And when he does, he doesn't go after it because he thinks that a) he doesn't deserve it, and knows that b) he'll ruin it. It's a pattern, a cycle that Nico's never quite been able to break out of. </p><p>“How’s firefighting?” Nico asks. Percy frowns at the distraction. </p><p>He’s always been smarter than he lets on, and although his faith in his friends has almost always clouded his judgement, Nico’s barely a friend now. Percy can look right through it all. </p><p>“It’s going well. What are your plans for, ah, the next month?”<br/>He’s mincing his words. The anniversary of the accident is next month. Nico knows Percy’s tiptoeing around it, around his guilt. Percy feels guilty for a lot of things that aren’t his fault, Nico realizes. And it’s not because he has a huge ego so he makes everything about him, he’s just an idiot. </p><p>Nico and Percy don’t see things the same way. Percy thinks he reduced Nico down to a snot-nosed little kid, and then got him in trouble. Really, Percy was sweet about it which was the worst part. </p><p>Because then Nico liked him, so he had no choice but to be mean to him, to shove him away to avoid the rotting saccharine butterflies in his stomach. It disgusted him, the thought of liking a <em> guy </em> of all things. </p><p>“Nico?” </p><p>“I don’t have any. Do you?”</p><p>Another lie. </p><p>“Not really. Maybe wedding stuff, but, well—you know.” </p><p>“Yeah.” </p><p>Nico can feel his blood starting to soak through the paper towel. </p><p>“Annabeth and I are thinking about kids.” </p><p>This is the first time they’ve had a conversation in three years and Percy’s dropping this on Nico. It’s not that he cares, or that he’s still in love with Percy, he just doesn’t want the reminder that Nico has nobody and won’t ever have the life that Percy has. Nico resents him for it, truly. But it’s not enough because he recognizes what’s behind it. </p><p>Nico’s lain with quiet rage for a long time, long enough to know that it’s no different from a gaping hole where something else should be, where something else is. </p><p>Nico resents Percy for his perfect life because he grieves the loss of his. </p><p>“Yeah?” he responds lamely. The game is tiring. Nico wishes he could just be honest, but he doesn’t want to put the work in so he can be. He doesn’t want to acknowledge this either.</p><p>“Yeah. Don’t know when’s a good time though. Annie’s so busy with work, and I mean I am too…” </p><p>Percy’s voice has changed into something else. Disheartened, almost. Tired. He’s building up to something.</p><p>Nico hums. “I understand that.” </p><p>“You know we’d always make time for you, right?”  Percy says, and he’s looking at Nico like he’s something pitiful—a teddy bear with stuffing pouring out, a child with a scraped knee and a broken elbow, something inconsolable. </p><p>Nico can’t help but think Percy would be a good father. </p><p>“Of course.” </p><p>“You say that but you don’t mean it.” </p><p>Percy’s eyes are melancholic, almost like he really misses Nico.</p><p>“I do.” Nico tries to insist but there’s no emotion behind it. He’s a horrible liar. </p><p>A part of Nico will always love Percy, mostly because of what he represents—comfort, stability and someone with a good heart. The fact that there are some people in this world who would drop everything for the people they love. It gives Nico hope. But remember, Nico doesn't think he deserves that. Nico thinks he deserves someone that'll break his heart and tear him to pieces. Someone pretty enough he'd let them destroy him. </p><p>“If you really meant it you’d take me up on it. You’d take Annabeth up on it. But you just—just disappear.” </p><p>
  <em> Fuck. </em>
</p><p>“I know.” </p><p>“I’m sorry, if that means anything.”</p><p>It does. Not in the way Percy means it, but it does. </p><p>“It does.”</p><p>“Nobody’s given up on you, Nico. I haven’t.” </p><p>Nico finds that hard to believe. </p><p>He’s pretty sure Percy’s saying that for himself, not for Nico. To reassure himself that he hasn’t let one of his oldest ‘friends’ sink into emptiness.</p><p>“I know, Percy.” </p><p>“Do you remember when we were kids?”</p><p>There’s something unsaid there. A last sentence, a ‘You’ve changed. What happened?’</p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p>“I miss it.”<br/>Nico does too. </p><p>He let it slip through his fingers and now it’s left a hole in his chest. </p><p>He wishes he knew how to grow up. </p><p>He wishes he knew how to be a kid when it mattered.</p><p>“Yeah.” </p><p>“Don’t do anything stupid, Nico.” </p><p>Percy turns on the radio. Nico can see his eyes shining as a singular teardrop begins to roll down his cheek.</p><p>“I’m sorry,” Nico says and he’s being honest. He doesn’t want this. </p><p>The only response is the music, a song from the 50’s that Nico’s mother liked. </p><p>
  <em> Just hold me tight and tell me you'll miss me </em>
</p><p>
  <em> While I'm alone and blue as can be </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Dream a little dream of me </em>
</p><hr/><p>Nico sits on a stool in front of the kitchen island while Percy grabs a first aid kit from the bathroom. The house is different than Nico would expect—colder. The furniture is all modern in shades of greys and blues and browns, in round rectangular shapes with carefully placed throw blankets. It’s all very reminiscent of Annabeth, while the walls with their golden ornate frames and photos remind him of Percy. There’s a chalkboard on the wall adjacent to him that has a calendar on it, but it’s mostly just Percy and Annabeth leaving notes for each other. </p><p>It’s cute.</p><p>It’s like looking into the scene of a movie, a romance that will last for ages. </p><p>Percy sits down next to Nico, putting a callused hand on Nico’s cheek, angling his face so he can apply the disinfectant. </p><p>It stings, and Nico clenches his jaw. Percy notices and smiles.</p><p>“Does it hurt?” </p><p>“No,” He lies. “I’m not a wimp like Frank.”</p><p>Percy laughs quietly. Percy doesn’t usually laugh quietly. </p><p>Nico’s not used to it, this older version. He’s different in all the wrong ways but the same and it doesn’t make any sense. </p><p>Nico can’t make sense of any of it..</p><p>“I’d say that you’ve always been the wimp,” Percy says, grabbing a large butterfly bandage from his little kit. “And Frank’s always been the strong one.” </p><p>He’s right. Frank’s always been supernaturally tough.</p><p>“I’m inclined to disagree.” </p><p>Percy shakes his head and smiles, but not enough. His cheeks are still wet, but you can only notice in the light. </p><p>“Could you—” Percy makes a motion with his hands of pulling hair back. Nico does so as Percy puts the bandaid on with great concentration. The sight of it nearly makes Nico laugh. </p><p>“There you go,” Percy says, admiring his handiwork. “You know, your hair’s gotten pretty long.” </p><p>It has. It’s a mullet, almost. Hazel likes to joke that he looks like Rodrick from Diary of a Wimpy Kid, if Rodrick was a scrawny italian teenager. It’s grown out since then. The front still falls in his face, but the back is long, curling ever so slightly next to the collar of his shirt. </p><p>“Yeah,” Nico says. “Hazel tells me that all the time.”</p><p>“As she should.” Percy gets up from his seat. “I’m going to go put this away. Make yourself at home.”</p><p>Nico finds it hard to. The furniture, despite its monotony is inviting but awkward. Nico would rather just leave, avoid the amends he’ll have to make. He wanders over to the living room and sits on a loveseat anyways, eyeing the yearbook on the coffee table. </p><p>It’s from Percy and Annabeth’s senior year. </p><p>Nico was at Jupiter High then, but he flips through the book anyways. He recognizes a couple faces, their names lost from memory. </p><p>It feels wrong, like he’s looking into someone else’s head. Like he doesn’t belong.</p><p>There’s another one from middle school. Nico’s photo is smiling, with a brightness to it that’s escaped him all these years. Now, Nico’s eyes are like potholes. Empty. </p><p>The photo is from before the accident, and when he flips through the pages he can see Bianca’s shy smile. </p><p>He doesn’t even notice when he starts crying.</p><p>It’s been one hell of a night. </p><p>Percy comes back and moves to hug him, making Nico scoot away. He hides his face in his shaking hands, trying to pretend he’s okay. </p><p>“I’m sorry,” Nico says.</p><p>“You can talk to me Nico,” Percy pleads. First Reyna, now him—who else has noticed? Nico doesn’t know if he wants them to notice. </p><p>“I know.”</p><p>“No, you don’t.”</p><p>Nico nearly chokes on a sob. He doesn’t know why he’s crying, not really. He’s just tired. </p><p>Percy comes closer and Nico leans his head on Percy’s shoulder, grasping onto his shirt like a child would. </p><p>It’s so tiring, being sad. </p><p>Nico can’t stand it. </p><p>Percy wraps an arm around Nico’s back and he’s crying quietly. Nico isn’t sure why. Maybe it’s because he’s lost him. Percy’s lost Nico, and now he doesn’t know the boy next to him. </p><p>
  <em> What happened? </em>
</p><p>It’s on the tips of everyone’s tongue. Nico doesn’t want to hear that question again. He thinks back to Leo, and maybe he’d accept it from him. Give him a little truth, show him a little piece of him and persuade him to leave. </p><p>It’s becoming a pattern.</p><p>Nico doesn’t like it. </p><hr/><p>Percy drives Nico home sometime later. The car ride is silent except for the soft sound of the radio and crunching of gravel beneath them. </p><p>Nico’s phone buzzes.</p><p>It’s an unknown number.</p><p>(310) 523 - 0945</p><ul>
<li>Yo! Its leo from jasons thing</li>
<li>want to hang later this week </li>
<li>if not thats ok i’m like . yeah </li>
</ul><p>Nico smiles slightly. For a moment, he forgets about it. Everything that’s happened in the past few hours, with Reyna and Annabeth and Percy and that stupid door. </p><ul>
<li><em>Of course</em></li>
<li>k ttyl</li>
</ul><p>Leo’s a blank slate. Someone Nico hasn’t disappointed yet.</p><p>Percy turns the music up as they head onto the highway. </p><p>
  <em> Sweet dreams till sunbeams find you </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Sweet dreams that leave all worries far behind you </em>
</p><p>
  <em> But in your dreams whatever they be </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Dream a little dream of me. </em>
</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>not much leo in this chapter but next one there will be more !! hope u guys enjoyed and please leave comments and kudos it is like . half my motivation LMAO<br/>anyways love u guys &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Leo comes over.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The cut is starting to scar. Nico removed the bandaid a couple of days ago to reveal the scabby and disgusting wound underneath, but now it’s starting to fade white into his skin. </p><p>When he touches it it stings, which sucks because Nico has a bad habit of picking at his wounds. His fingers are stained red from it. </p><p>It’s around seven o’clock. Nico shut up the store early, put on his t-shirt with the least amount of holes, and sprayed some Febreze to cover that weird smell that keeps wafting up from the shop adjacent to his. </p><p>Leo’s coming over. </p><p>When he told Hazel, he could practically see her smiling through the phone. </p><p>Reyna hasn’t responded to his text. It’s unusually childish of her. </p><p>Probably not. Nico’s just tired, and he’s been trying to figure out people his whole life. Reyna’s always been one of the ones he hasn’t exactly cracked.</p><p>He shoves the thought out of his mind. </p><p>Nico’s apartment is a one-bedroom with white walls that are covered in posters. The living room has the standard TV and couch set, with a small coffee table which Nico always runs into because of its absurd height. </p><p>Whenever he does, Reyna always laughs as he argues, ‘It’s so short! No one can see it, it’s not my fault!’ to which she’d say that it’s his fault for buying it. </p><p>Nico can’t help but miss her.</p><p>There are DVDs and books stacked beneath the TV, as well as the random photo album that Nico looks through when he wants to be sad; not because he likes being sad, but because it’s better than emptiness and boredom. His favorite one is one made by Hazel; her and Hades made it for a birthday present one year, and it’s filled with photos of him from kindergarten to college. Bianca and Maria are in it, and so is Percy and Annabeth and Ethan and Jason and Reyna and Frank. Almost everyone he’s ever cared about is framed in that book. It may be his most prized possession, behind the Mythomagic movie set, which he and Leo are watching tonight. </p><p>The Mythomagic movies were the most popular movies about fifteen years ago, and Nico can’t get over them. They were a huge part of his childhood, and have become a huge part of him—and Leo hasn’t watched it. </p><p>He hears a knock on his window. It’s Leo on the fire escape.</p><p>Nico sighs and walks over from his seat on the couch, pushing up the window for Leo to tumble in. </p><p>“Why didn’t you just come in through the front door?”<br/>“This makes me feel cooler—like a spy, you know?” Leo laughs. It’s a sweet sound.</p><p>Nico smiles. “You just couldn’t find the door in, could you?” </p><p>Leo laughs nervously and pushes some loose hair behind his ear. “No, not really. But at least I had an awesome first entrance!” </p><p>“Sure,” Nico hums, moving into the kitchen. He opens the fridge and there’s some leftover Jack in the Box, two eggs, and a half-drunk bottle of water. “Hey, want to grab something to eat?” </p><p>Leo brushes something off of his shirt. He’s wearing a black tank top and navy cargo shorts that are a bit short on him. Nico’s just noticed that Leo’s taller than him, just barely. </p><p>“Yeah, sounds good.” Leo peers into the open fridge and laughs.</p><p>Nico knows it’s embarrassing.</p><p>“You’re quite the cook, aren’t you?” </p><p>Nico flushes. “I mean, I—”</p><p>“I’m messing with you,” Leo says. “Want to stop by a grocery store instead? I can fix something.” </p><p>Nico’s pretty sure Leo has some weird ulterior motive. The only person who’s ever offered to cook for him before is his stepmother, Persephone, and only because Nico had a fever. </p><p>“You know how to cook?” Nico asks. Leo’s golden cross necklace shines in the poor lighting of the apartment.</p><p>“Of course. I can make a mean tofu burger.” Leo wiggles his fingers.</p><p>Nico raises an eyebrow. “Pretty sure the words ‘mean’ and ‘tofu burger’ contradict each other.” </p><p>Leo’s smile is wide and his eyes gleam. “Tofu can be pretty badass, you know.” </p><p>Now he’s sitting on top of the kitchen counter, looking down at Nico and smiling like a madman. Nico smiles back and steps closer to him, before he conveniently remembers Will. It leaves a bad taste in his mouth, so he steps towards his car keys instead.</p><p>“Come on,” he says, walking towards the door. </p><p>Leo hops down and follows him. “Alright, pretty boy. I’ll show you what I got.”</p><p>Nico tries to hide his smile.</p><p>Pretty boy. That’s a new one. </p><p>Leo’s unlike anyone he’s ever met. </p><p>This could be a new start.</p><p>This could be something else entirely.</p><p>But there's this nagging feeling again in Nico's gut that he'll ruin this too. It's instinct almost, since he's ruined everything good and he doesn't know what to do.</p><p>He shoves the thought out of his mind and focuses on Leo.</p><hr/><p>They end up getting one container of tofu, some green onions, flour, hamburger buns, and garlic powder. Leo paid, insisting that he didn’t really have anything else to spend his money on. Nico has a feeling that isn’t true.</p><p>“So,” Nico starts. “Pretty boy, huh?” </p><p>Even though his eyes are on the road, he can practically see Leo flushing. “Well, I mean—yeah, that’s like a, a nickname, you know?” </p><p>Nico grins at Leo’s embarrassment. “Really?” </p><p>Leo appears to have composed himself. “Oh yeah. I’ve been called pretty boy <em> plenty </em> of times.” </p><p>“By who?” </p><p>There’s silence.</p><p>Nico bursts out laughing. </p><p>“I have! Ok, I know I have! Maybe—ok, so I don’t remember it now. Wait, no—Frank’s called me it!” </p><p>This only makes Nico laugh harder.</p><p>“Frank? I find that hard to believe.” </p><p>“Well, yeah, but—listen, Frank’s one weird guy, right? I mean, is it really that shocking?” </p><p>“Yes.” </p><p>Leo starts laughing as well. The rest of the car ride is spent in comfortable silence.</p><p>Nico hasn’t thought about it once.</p><p>The accident, Reyna, Percy. </p><p>Leo makes it so easy to live in the moment, instead of predicting and analyzing and trying to figure out exactly what every word means. It’s not something new, but it’s something Nico’s missed. </p><p>Like a puzzle piece falling into place.</p><p>Nico can’t help but smile, despite the consequences.</p><hr/><p>“One tofu burger coming right up,” Leo says, placing a tofu burger in Nico’s hands. He grabs his own, then plops down on the couch next to Nico. </p><p>“Thanks,” Nico says, grabbing the remote. </p><p>“No problemo. So—what are we watching again?” </p><p>Nico turns on the TV. “Mythomagic, the best movie series ever made.” </p><p>“Oh yeah? What about Star Wars?” </p><p>Nico snorts. “Nothing compared to this. Want chips?” </p><p>“Sure. And I guess we’ll have to see.” </p><p>Nico turned out the lights so the TV was the only thing visible, then grabbed some chips from the pantry. </p><p>Mythomagic is a five-part series about a boy who has greatness thrust onto him and despises it. The only thing he cares about is his family and his friends, not saving the world or becoming some kind of martyr. It’s based on Greek mythology in a way, and Nico loved it when he was a kid. He started off by playing the card game and didn’t read the book series until he was around nine. </p><p>It’s still one of the best things he’s ever read. </p><p>The opening scene rolls in, and Nico can see Leo looking at him from the corner of his eye. </p><p>Nico smiles as light seems to overwhelm him. But it’s okay, really.</p><p>He’s being honest.</p><hr/><p>They’re at the part where the manticore attacks and Amelie goes missing, but Leo is asleep. </p><p>Nico’s not sure how long he’s been out, but it <em>is </em>two a.m., so he really shouldn’t be surprised.</p><p>He smiles at the other boy and tries to nudge him awake.</p><p>Leo shifts slightly, leaning into the couch. He’s curled up against the throw blanket, and Nico brings it down over him. He remembers Leo mentioning how he doesn’t have a shift tomorrow, so he leaves him there. </p><p>Nico turns off the TV, goes back to his room, and stares at the ceiling until he eventually lets himself fade into sleep.</p><hr/><p>It’s a weird dream. </p><p>He and Reyna are on a boat, looking out at the pristine and glittering ocean. He can hear Percy and Jason talking in the background, Hazel and Piper chatting away. Nico feels so disconnected from it all. He leans against the railing of the boat, a heavy black sword at his side.</p><p>“So you will come with me?” Reyna asks. She’s wearing a purple shirt beneath silver armor, her hair placed into a tight braid. Her eyes are different. Fiercer, Nico realizes. Harsher. She’s looking at him like he’s a stranger.</p><p>“Yes.” He responds, turning to look at her. She’s staring out at the sea like she wants to kill it. Usually, that means she’s nervous, but Nico’s not sure what to make of this Reyna. </p><p>“Very well. Get ready. We leave tomorrow.” She glides away, her footsteps making barely a sound as she places a hand on her golden sword. </p><p>“Hey, uh—wait,” Nico says. Something’s different about him too, but he can’t place it.</p><p>Reyna turns apathetically. “What is it?” </p><p>“I’m sorry.” </p><p>“What have you done?” Reyna asks. Her glare is still indifferent, intense. This is Reyna before Nico knew her, before Jason knew her. Before she learned to let her guard down.</p><p>“I pushed some people away, and now I—I don’t know what to do.” </p><p>Reyna doesn’t say anything.</p><p>She sighs. </p><p>“If you want to talk about emotions, I’d recommend doing it with Piper,” Reyna says. “However, I can offer you this—apologize. Tell them the truth, Nico. All of it.”</p><p>It shouldn’t be too much.</p><p>It feels like too much.</p><p>“You won’t mend things perfectly. Nothing can be as it were, however, you can create something new. Now—is that all?” </p><p>She’s right.</p><p>Of course she is, it’s Reyna. Reyna, who’s always known him better than he’d realized.</p><p>Nico doesn’t want to lose her.</p><p>“Yeah.” </p><p>And just like that, she’s gone. </p><hr/><p>Nico wakes up as light streams across his face. It’s blinding, almost. </p><p>When he walks out of his room, Leo’s gone. </p><p>He left a note, saying that his roommates are going to call the cops if he doesn’t show up.</p><p>Nico makes some coffee and returns to the dull rituals of everyday life.</p><p>He misses Leo already.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>short chapter that i have used to avoid my homework &lt;3<br/>anyways, please leave feedback!! ! comments n kudos r highly appreciated :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>leo appearance towards the end &lt;3</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Nico picks at his fingernails. They’re rough and uneven, with dirt underneath them that bothers him but now they’re lopsided which is worse. His thumb finger is crooked from an accident with a hammer during woodshop freshman year. That bothers him too.</p><p>He’s waiting for Reyna to show up, which is an anomaly, because he’s always late and she’s always fifteen minutes early to everything if she can help it. It’s their pattern, always. </p><p>Nico guesses he can make a couple exceptions.</p><p>He’s sitting on a curb in the parking lot of the Museum of Contemporary Art in downtown L.A., which makes Nico remember how much he hates downtown L.A. There’s trash everywhere and the cars go too fast, there’s dolled up and pink supermodels standing next to men with long beards begging for a piece of it, the money, he means. Peace is nonexistent. Poverty plagues the streets while greed plagues the mansions.</p><p>It’s all very American.</p><p>He pulls a cigarette out of his shirt pocket and lights it.</p><p>Reyna is the opposite of downtown L.A., Nico thinks. She’s honest and she’s not superficial, and sometimes there’s too much of her and it suffocates him. Reyna is a lot, which is why Nico loves her. If he had to name a role model, he’d name her. </p><p>Another thing about downtown—it’s made entirely of stucco and flashy signs begging for your attention. One glares down at Nico from across the street, a sign the size of a bus that is advertising for some superhero movie, <em> another </em> superhero movie, that’s clearly just a money grab. There’s no substance behind it. Just like the rest of the rotting city. There’s skyscrapers then bungalows with peeling yellow paint and it’s boring. It’s disgusting. It’s competition at its peak. </p><p>Nico’s pretty bored right about now. </p><p>There’s a food truck in front of him that says something about fruit in spanish. Another one that looks the exact same is just down the street.</p><p>Grey tendrils of smoke curl around the bone-white cigarette.</p><p>He’s been trying to quit. He only smokes when he’s nervous, really. Reyna doesn’t know this. She also hates when he does it; something about him slowly killing himself, but for Nico the suffocation is nice, is a distraction. </p><p>Reyna taps him on the shoulder.</p><p>“So,” she starts. “You started smoking again?” </p><p>Nico smiles around it and stands, hugging Reyna.</p><p>She hugs back and then coughs, so he pulls back.</p><p>“Not really. Just, uh, felt the urge right now, you know?” Nico asks.</p><p>Reyna frowns, digging through her purse. “No.”</p><p>“Right,” Nico replies. </p><p>It feels awkward, tense.</p><p>“I must have left it in my other purse,” Reyna mutters. “No, Hazel has them.”</p><p>“Has what?”</p><p>“Your nicorettes, remember?”</p><p>Nico frowns. He hates the taste of them, and they don’t give off the same horrid feeling that smoking does. Reyna doesn’t know this.</p><p>“Why does Hazel have them?”</p><p>Reyna pauses. “I wanted her to give them to you.”</p><p>Oh.</p><p>Reyna wasn’t sure they’d talk again. Soon, at least.</p><p>“Oh. Thanks,” Nico mumbles. </p><p>“Of course,” Reyna says. She fumbles with her hands before putting them in her pockets. “I’m sorry.”</p><p>She always is and she never should be.</p><p>“No, it’s my fault,” Nico insists. “I didn’t tell you, and—“</p><p>“It’s not your job to tell me everything, Nico. I understand.”</p><p>It is his job. Hazel and Reyna are the ones that are supposed to know him, inside and out, like in the movies. Like how he knows them. </p><p>“I should have.”</p><p>“Are you going to?”</p><p>Nico’s hands begin their shake. It’s small, but Reyna notices.</p><p>“It’s about the accident, isn’t it?”</p><p>Nico tosses the cigarette into the trash. “How do you know?”</p><p>“Your hands. You broke them in it, right? They’re shaking.”</p><p>The carpal for his left wrist protrudes an odd way while his hands stiffen, and Reyna looks at him with a special kind of pity he knows is reserved for him.</p><p>He closes the distance between them and hugs her again, eyes dry and squeezed shut then opening and resembling chipped glass. </p><p>“I should’ve called you back,” Reyna says. </p><p>“No, not for that.” Nico burrows his head into the crook of her neck. “I shouldn’t have ignored you either—earlier, I mean.” </p><p>Reyna laughs sadly. “Damn right.” </p><p>She lets go of the hug and steps back, pushing Nico’s hair out of his face then flicking him square on the forehead. </p><p>“Ow! What the hell was that!” </p><p>“For ignoring me.” Reyna smiles weakly. “Now come on—we have better things to do than to be sad. Let’s go inside.”</p><p>She takes his hand and drags him like a limp doll, except he’s moving with her and the drag is gone. This is becoming a pattern.</p><hr/><p>“What do you think of it?” Reyna asks. Nico raises a hand to his messy hair and pushes it back.</p><p>The painting is white. It’s all white, off-white and grayish if you will, and there are tiny specks of yellow throughout it.</p><p>“I could’ve done it,” he jokes. He knows he couldn’t have, that there’s something else behind it. He’s too tired to look for it.</p><p>Reyna hums and smiles. “Yeah.”</p><p>There’s a note on the side, one of those explanations on a black rectangle that’s supposed to make everything make sense. It reads:</p><p>
  <em> Prophecies of the Sun: Lester Papadopoulos </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Oil on Canvas </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Humans destroy meaning through definition. To say anything outright is to water it down, destroy it—you can only really say anything through analogy, to help someone understand. That’s all art is, really—language too. Pictures in each other’s heads that help each other understand. This is how the sun looks to me—does it look like this to you, too?” </em>
</p><p>Nico looks at the painting again. It doesn’t look like the sun to him. </p><p>He looks again, harder.</p><p>If he took a step back, he’d see it was a pattern, a thousand suns dotted across a blank universe. </p><p>Take a step back, Nico. Examine things from afar. </p><p> </p><p>He does not.</p><hr/><p>When Nico slides his shoe across the floor, it creates a squeaking noise adjacent to farting. At first, Reyna looked around at the security guards near him and told him to stop. But now she’s laughing quietly, and it sounds harsh and hoarse and like a door that needs oiling. </p><p>Nico loves it.</p><p>They stop to eat in the empty cafeteria, with its greens and soft oranges. The sandwiches look shitty, but they get them anyways; food is clearly not a priority for this museum. </p><p>Nico picks at his chips. </p><p>“So, do anything interesting recently?” Reyna asks calmly, dipping a baby carrot in a watery ranch. She takes a bite and grimaces.</p><p>“Mostly just work,” Nico admits. “But I did hang out with Leo.”</p><p>Reyna wipes her fingers on her napkin then places a strand of hair behind her ear. </p><p>“Leo?” she says absentmindedly. “Oh! Wait, you mean—“</p><p>“Jason’s friend, yeah.”</p><p>“How was it?” </p><p>“Good,” Nico says. “He slept over.” </p><p>Reyna grins. “So it was that kind of ‘hang out’, huh?” </p><p>Nico can feel his face heat up and his ears turn red. “No, no—it was just, you know, like; chilling, well yeah, hanging out like you put it. But, well, <em> you know </em>, the normal kind,” Nico insists.</p><p>He says the words ‘you know’ and ‘like’ a lot when he’s nervous. He’s aware it’s a pattern.</p><p>Reyna laughs into her hand. </p><p>“You definitely thought about it.” The glint in her eyes has returned. </p><p>Nico wonders if he did think about it. </p><p>Maybe a little bit. Leo is nice, sturdy, smiling, and annoying in a good way. But Nico doesn’t know him yet, doesn’t have a language with him yet, a pattern. </p><p>But Nico’s examining the details as pieces, as individuals.</p><p>All he needs to do is take a step back.</p><p>He doesn’t.</p><p>“Did not,” Nico says childishly. He nearly sticks his tongue out for good measure. Reyna’s smile quiets until it’s a small smirk. She only does this when she knows she’s right. </p><p>“Sure,” she agrees. She laughs again quietly.</p><p>“So—Leo, huh?” she asks.</p><p>Nico can tell she’s trying to play it cool. Reyna’s surprisingly good at it, however, Nico knows her too well. Her and Hazel do the same thing. There’s a little crinkle in the corner of her eye, slight crow’s feet it’s called, which should only be there when she’s smiling or laughing. Her mouth is pursed, serious, but it’s always the eyes that give her away. </p><p>“Yeah, why?” he asks. He’s smiling, but mostly because he can’t help it. </p><p>“Hmm,” Reyna says, picking a piece of crust off of her sandwich. “Nothing, it’s just—“</p><p>Reyna always says something’s ‘nothing’ before telling Nico that it’s actually something or a big deal. </p><p>“—it’s been a while since Will, and well—“</p><p>Nico groans and leans back in his chair dramatically. </p><p>“—I know you don’t really hang out with anyone besides me and Hazel, so—“</p><p>“God, you sound like a helicopter mom,” Nico says. He doesn’t mind it. Reyna wears her care for him on her sleeve now, which is nice. Nico didn’t like it when Reyna hid everything.</p><p>“Someone has to,” she quips.</p><p>Nico takes a bite out of his sandwich. It’s flavorless and tastes like what he imagines drywall to taste like. </p><p>“Hmm,” he hums. “How do you know I’m not hanging out with anyone, huh? I could have a bunch of secret friends you don’t know about.”</p><p>Reyna messes with her braid. “Maybe it’s because you tell me everything—“</p><p>She’s treading awfully close to dangerous waters. </p><p>“—and because I found your list of friends last time I was over.”</p><p>That explains it. </p><p>Nico made a list, ranking all his friends. It sounds messed up, but he was bored and there’s a line somewhere about boredom being the devil's playground. </p><p>Reyna is first, Hazel is second, Phoebe is third, his coworker Meg is fourth, Jason is fifth, Frank is sixth, and he could go on but he doesn’t want to. </p><p>He knows it’s sad. </p><p>A man he hasn’t really had a conversation with in three years is the fifth best friend he has. </p><p>Nico doesn’t know what happened.</p><p>Well he does, and he knows it's entirely his fault; but he's not going to change anything about it. He's too tired to break out of the cycle: get close to someone, feel unworthy of being their friend, freak out, push them away, stop talking to them, repeat with someone new. </p><p>“Nico?” Reyna asks.</p><p>“You found that?”</p><p>“Well, it was in your freezer.”</p><p>Of course it was. Nico had been looking for it the other day, to add Leo to it. He only spent about five minutes on the search before giving up.</p><p>“Huh,” he says. “Where’d you put it?” </p><p>“It’s still in there.”</p><p>“What?” Nico asks, surprised. Reyna’s the responsible one. She’s always been the responsible one. </p><p>“Yeah,” she laughs. “I didn’t want to touch it. It had weird sticky stuff on it—“</p><p>Nico’s homemade pink lemonade ice cubes must have spilled onto it. It’s the only thing he regularly ‘cooks’ at this point but that doesn’t really count, now does it?</p><p>“—plus it was completely frozen. I’d get that out, if I were you.”</p><p>Nico rubs his eyes. “Yeah, yeah I should.”</p><p>He groans again. “Fuck, that’s so embarrassing.”</p><p>A geriatric couple is staring at them. Apparently they’re being loud.</p><p>“It’s not too bad,” Reyna says. “But let’s get out of here. This sandwich tastes like paper.”</p><p>Nico nods and dumps the contents of his tray into the trash while Reyna reaches for his hand as they walk.</p><p> </p><p>They exit the building together, a thousand suns burning behind them.</p><hr/><p>Leo comes in through the front door this time. He’s wearing a baggy black t-shirt with engine grease all over it with brown pants that are in even worse condition. </p><p>Nico raises an eyebrow. </p><p>“I did an oopsie,” is all Leo says. </p><p>Nico sighs and smiles at the other boy. “Come on, get washed off. I might have some clothes that fit you.” </p><p>Leo looks like he doesn’t know where to put his hands. “Really? I mean, I don’t really want to bother dude.”</p><p>“I don’t want you getting oil all over my couch if that makes you feel better.”</p><p>“Oh,” Leo laughs. “Yeah, okay. I’ll pay you back with, uh—tofu burgers?”</p><p>Nico smiles and leads Leo to the bathroom. “Sure. Tofu burgers.”</p><p>Nico starts the water and then leaves to turn on the TV.</p><p>From the living room he can hear Leo’s faint singing.</p><hr/><p>Leo’s cooking and it smells like heaven. He’s wearing one of Nico’s t-shirts, a red one that says ‘hello kitty’ in a germanic, kind-of metal font. His gold cross necklace shines in the shitty lighting of Nico’s kitchen, apparently untouched by the oil incident. </p><p>Nico sits on the kitchen counter and stretches like a cat. He doesn’t miss Leo’s glance at him. </p><p>The TV runs in the background, some heated sports game going on. </p><p>“Do you cook often?” Nico asks. Leo’s sweating from the heat around the oven, wiping trailing beads of it off of his brow.</p><p>“Yeah,” Leo says. “Not as much now but I used to, like, every day. I’m guessing you don’t, considering you only have one pan and no like measurements or anything.”</p><p>Nico rubs at his eye. “Nope. Used to when I was much, much younger but now I’m pretty much a lost cause.”</p><p>Leo quirks his eyebrow like it’s a challenge. “I call BS, pretty boy.”</p><p>“Well, I haven’t cooked in like...fourteen, fifteen years so I dunno.”</p><p>Leo passes Nico his spatula, motioning for him to come towards the stove. He takes Nico’s hand gently and places it on the handle of the skillet.</p><p>“Here,” Leo says, backing away from the oven. “Try it—just flipping it when it’s kinda brown, yeah?” </p><p>Nico tilts the skillet so the tofu slides around it, creating a sizzling sound.</p><p>Leo watches from his spot on the kitchen counter. </p><p>After a few seconds, Nico flips the tofu perfectly, digging the spatula underneath it to reveal a nice, crisp brown.</p><p>“Hey, that was great! I’d give you a sticker but, uh, well I don’t really have any and well you’re not a kindergartner,” Leo says, smiling from ear to ear.</p><p>Nico likes Leo’s smile. It’s infectious.</p><p>“Hmm yeah. Definitely a bit old for kindergarten but <em> fuck </em> I love stickers.” </p><p>Leo’s eyes widen maniacally. “Dude same! Everytime someone gives me them it makes me, like, so proud? I dunno but like oh my god <em> yes </em>.”</p><p>Nico laughs, sliding the tofu onto a plate. “I’m pretty sure we both have a Pavlovian response to them by now, with all the elementary school sticker brainwashing.”</p><p>Leo hops down from the counter and stands right next to Nico, eyeing the just cooked tofu. “Yeah for sure. That and those silly bands.”</p><p>History. It’s like Leo’s dug something out of the deepest corner of Nico’s brain.</p><p>“Silly bands! Fuck, oh my god I remember those!”</p><p>Leo laughs and it’s reminiscent of bells. “I know right? I miss ‘em so bad man.”</p><p>Nostalgia is a shadow over the both of them. </p><p>“So,” Leo starts. “How’d you learn to cook.”</p><p>Uh oh.</p><p>“My mom taught me when I was, uh, six? Seven?”</p><p>Maria used to teach Nico everything she knew about cooking, mostly because Bianca was horrible at it. It’s one of his dearest memories, one of his dearest ghosts. </p><p>“Oh, so did my mom.” Leo’s tone has changed. More wistful, melancholic. Nico wants to pry, but doesn’t out of fear that it’ll be too much to handle.</p><p>He hardly knows Leo.</p><p>Why does it feel like he’s known Leo forever?</p><p>His hands shake, only slightly, but he still drops the spatula onto the floor. “Shit, sorry.”</p><p>They both bend down to pick it up, bumping heads, Leo rubbing his as they part. Nico puts the spatula in the sink.</p><p>The shadow of the past falls over them, and it feels like the whole world is holding its breath, waiting for something. </p><p>Nico opens his mouth and closes it. </p><p>“Here, I’ll finish up,” Leo says awkwardly. “Why don’t you set up the TV, yeah?”</p><p>Nico nods and smiles weakly. </p><p>Silence blankets the room, only to be broken by the faint static of the TV.</p><hr/><p>They’re at the part where Evan has died, and Lucas is resisting Kronos. Leo’s on the edge of his seat, looking at the TV wide-eyed and curious. Nico’s not even watching anymore, just staring at Leo.</p><p>He’s different than Nico expected.</p><p>Nico thought he’d be brash and rude and annoying, taking up all the air around him. But he’s an iceberg, with much more than the eye can see. Nico wants to know him, to understand him.</p><p>But he’s afraid that he’s wrong, and Leo’s a fire; if he gets too close, he’ll get burnt and he won’t be able to fix it. They'll burn everything down if they're not careful.</p><p>Suddenly, Nico doesn’t know where to put his hands. </p><p>Leo’s are rough, scarred, and callused. His fingers are thin, like a piano player’s, but bent wrong, like he’s broken them before. On his right hand, his ring finger is twisted towards the top, and his fingernail is indented into his skin. It twitches every so often. Nico’s hands are pale and smooth like a statue. The problem lies in his wrists, which are bumpy and knotted. Where his ulna meets his metacarpal, there’s a large bump almost as if a marble was underneath his skin. It’s on both hands, and Nico hates it. It’s a ghost, a reminder. A piece of the past's shadow.</p><p>Now Leo’s gasping, placing a hand to his mouth and staring at the TV. Tunnel vision, Nico realizes. He scoots closer to the other boy, mostly because it’s cold in his apartment. It’s almost the beginning of spring, but it’s ten o’clock and it’s cold outside, maybe around fifty or sixty degrees. </p><p>Nico’s a Californian. He can take more, but he’s wearing a t-shirt and shorts, which isn’t great for staying warm. Plus, it’s an excuse.</p><p>Peter is handing Lucas the cursed knife, and Lucas is stabbing himself. All the light, golden and cursed, swirls out of him like a demon, like he’s a man possessed. He is. </p><p>Leo excitedly taps Nico’s hand and bounces on the couch. “What the fuck! Did you see that? Holy shit, oh my god.”</p><p>Nico smiles at him and looks at Leo like he’s the only thing that matters. At the moment, he is—to Nico, at least. Leo’s looking at him now and it’s startling. Looking into Leo’s eyes feels like looking into a hurricane, mostly because it’s a lot. They carry so much emotion, and Nico doesn’t know how to process it.</p><p>Leo’s hand still rests on top of his, and Leo slides their fingers together then squeezes Nico’s hand.</p><p>“Holy shit, didn’t you—didn’t you say this was like, I dunno, a kids movie?” Leo says, his attention now back onto the screen. “That was rough, fuck.”</p><p>Leo’s hand is warm, a stark contrast to Nico’s stone cold one. It fills Nico with warm light, pooling in his heart and stomach. </p><p>He doesn’t want to know what it means.</p><p>Nico decides to live in the present and watches Leo’s reaction to the ending. </p><p>Maybe everything will turn out okay. </p><p>Nico hopes everything will turn out okay.</p><p>But here's the funny part—there's a possibility it won't. And that possibility will eat Nico alive, but not yet. </p><p>Everything will turn out how it's supposed to.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>haha can you guys tell i hate downtown LA<br/>anyways hope u guys liked this !! plz leave comments n kudos 🥺💞💓💟 ily !</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>UPDATES! if you've been here since the beginning I changed some stuff listed below if not then skip! this won't mean anything to u</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>hey!! the ending for this fic was always kind of fuzzy for me but I recently figured it out so I'm basically going to go back into prev. chapters and change them to fit around that so if you're like hmm wait somethings different that's why !! I'll take this down once I'm done editing it and post the next chap but just wanted to let u guys know in case you get confused </p><p>UPDATE: okay I edited the previous chapters !! will take this down when I post the next chapter</p><p>UPDATE NOV. 11: oh my god hngghfg I've written the next chapter five different ways and I'm not really happy with any of them ? I've also had massive writers block so I've been working on other stuff to like get rid of that but that's not really working either. something might be up by the end of the week but I also have a massive competition for school this week so idk :(</p><p>UPDATE NOV. 16: AHAHAHA i have to fix everything literally nothing is making sense !! i fucked up with the tone and made it sound too...happy I guess? like last few chapters r misleading :/ like okay yeah there's going to be a happy ending but it's nowhere near linear to get to that point so I need to go back and fix that I'll update this chapter again when I'm done :(</p><p>UPDATE DEC. 14 I keep starting over with everything I write for this :( maybe its bc I'm a different type of mentally unstable than i was when i originally wrote this and now i cant get the same vibe? idk :( </p><p>haven't forgotten about this! just struggling to create a direction for it. hopefully ill have time over winter break to work on this</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>follow me on tumblr @achillesep :)))</p></blockquote></div></div>
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